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It received only an honorable mention, but what is better than Peeps getting their boxing on? If you want to see all the entries in the Pioneer Press Peeps Diorama contest, go here.


How better to celebrate than watching this awesome video made for Jimmy Kimmel by his sweetheart, Sarah Silverman. (Warning — don’t watch around the kiddies.)

Just after noon on New Year’s Day, Ed looked at me from the edge of the bed he’d been perched on for the past 15 minutes, staring into the void, and said, “I can’t go out there. It’s just too bright.”

About nine hours previously, we had stumbled out of a white limousine filled with people who were probably more drunk than we were. Which is saying something.

I later heard the trip from my parents’ house in the middle of nowhere to Sheboygan, which usually takes about 25 minutes, took longer than an hour because of barf stops.

You’d think none of us could get that drunk, what with the five courses of fabulous food we had devoured. But 8 bottles of kick-ass pinot noir later, there we were. As snockered as a gang of 21-year-olds on someone’s birthday.

I think there was a shot of tequila in there somewhere, and I remember toasting with champagne, too.

Shockingly, I can remember what I ate. It was delicious, and I’m publicly thanking Lynny for all her hard work. She gave us all the gift of a fabulous and memorable (um, what we can remember of it) New Year’s Eve.

What I chose from the five course menu (there were a few other options for each course):

Tuna tartare
Apple, manchengo, almond salad (I think I licked this plate)
Crab ravioli (I had to protect this dish from grubby paws who ordered the also kick-ass tortellini)
Surf and turf (crispy shrimpies! delicious meat!)
Panna cotta with grapefruit honey sauce (light and creamy, but I was too full to finish it)

We’re off to the dairy state for family Christmas celebrations, and to have a fabulous meal at the restaurant of a fabulous friend. With my in-laws. On New Year’s Eve.

If you would have told me 10 years ago that I’d be willingly spending New Year’s with family in Sheboygan County, I would have laughed you straight out of the room. But shit changes, and now most of my favorite people are family members.

Happy holidays to everyone. Have a glass of (good) champagne (or two or three). I know I will.

I said once that I never buy my kids noisy gifts.

Well, Santa defied me and brought Pinkie Pie for Clare.

She sings. She dances. She NEVER SHUTS UP. A moment after she finishes her excruciatingly long dance number, she starts asking questions.

“Do you like lemonade?” She waits for an answer.

“I LOVE lemonade. PINK lemonade!”

“What’s your favorite color?” Pause.

“I like pink!”

The worst thing about her is that number 3 is also obsessed. He can’t get enough of her pink rubber motor mouth and massive, blinking eyes. She’s singing, dancing and cajoling my kids into answering the same inane questions all. day. long.

At this rate, it’s going to be just a matter of days before that little pony is taken hostage or finds herself under the tire of a minivan.

If I were to go along with these suggestions for holiday tipping, I’d be dishing out $555.

Does anyone spend that much on holiday tips? Seriously?

I tip my hairdresser (not the price of a haircut, either — I can barely afford her in the first place), I’ll tip the nanny (also not as much as suggested) and probably my newspaper deliveryman since he puts it inside my door, which is killer.

Someone in the story suggests giving the garbage men a plate of cookies. Um, yeah, I plan to leave a nice plate of goodies right on top of my GARBAGE CAN. I bet they’d appreciate that! And the whole thing about buying a gift for your mailman is funny, too. They’re not allowed to accept cash, so I’m supposed to go find a thoughtful gift (less than $20!) for the guy who drops off my mail. I’m afraid I sound like a curmudgeon, but please. I have better things to do.

Like bitch about Christmas on my blog.  


Tis the season to spend money.

Our kids have way too much stuff already, but we’re plotting which toys to add to the clutter. Our relatives have everything they need — so much so that coming up with gifts for some of them is next to impossible — but we’re spending our savings to buy them more! Stuff!

As usual, I have done very little shopping, and it’s the week before the dreaded holiday.

And as usual, I’m asking myself why we can’t all just bake some cookies, sing some carols and call it a day. A nice day we spend with people we love. Instead, I’m stressing over how I’m going to finish buying all the things no one needs and that will be forgotten weeks after a day that involves the kids ripping open too many gifts.

This year, we’re trying to be sure they don’t get too many gifts, but between us picking up a few things we know they really want and the relatives spoiling the hell out of them, it feels like a losing battle.

That said, I love the tree, the cookies and my family. So I’m going to do my best to do away with my misgivings — some spicy red wine and a pile of sweets oughta help with that.


Ed: Against my better judgment, I ate the rest of the cauliflower soup*.

Me: Gassy?

Ed: Oh my GOD. I almost crapped myself. It’s not just gas, it’s DECEPTIVE gas. It’s don’t-let-it-get-away-from-you gas.

* If you care to inflict scary gas on your loved ones, the soup was awesome. You can get the recipe here.

Four things I’m thankful for (also my favorite school assignment of the year to read):

1. The seven-year-old who listed gravity and electricity as two of the things he’s most thankful for.

2. The about-to-be-four-year-old who makes me pipe-cleaner bracelets and insists we paint our fingernails the same pink color.

3. Mr. Almost Terrible Two, who has decided it’s fun to blow his nose on daddy’s cheek.

4. My best friend, who stays up late to watch TV and drink wine and laugh with me, even though it makes him tired in the morning.