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Not me, Myles.

I’m pretty squarely agnostic, and I’m OK with that. Ed and I had been talking about how to at least offer the kids something to accept or reject, but we hadn’t come to a conclusion.

I kind of wanted to check out UCC because it’s so liberal you don’t even have to believe in God at all to be a member, from what I’ve heard. Which is exactly what I need. Because Catholicism scarred me. Which is precisely why I can’t abide any child of mine being strong-armed into thinking he or she is a dirty, unworthy person. It took me years to unlearn that shit, and I won’t soil the minds of my perfectly innocent little angels.

Anyway, lately, Myles has been asking about God. Not just asking, but insisting that he wants to go to church. I guess his friend goes to services and Sunday school and keeps telling him how great it is. I recoil instinctively. I can’t help it. I’m trying not to show it.

I knew this moment in my parenting life was going to come to pass. I wanted to pretend it wasn’t. Part of me did pretend. Part of me wishes I could just blindly accept the religion thing and take my kids to church every Sunday without getting a pit in my stomach.

We talked last night about just letting him go to his friend’s church, which happens to be a Lutheran church, which is OK, I guess. They are pretty liberal and have lots of outreach programs. I can’t guarantee that I’m not going to have panic attacks during a church service, but I suppose I have to hold my nose and give it a try. If it doesn’t work out, maybe I can take him volunteering with the other Godly people and his dad can cover the church service part. Because helping people? I’m all for that. Brainwashing them or offering my brain up for the washing? Not so much.